Tuesday, December 25, 2012

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The empty gravity boxes were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that packs of baseball cards soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of superfractors danced in their heads
Strasburg in its magnetic holder, a screw down held Shaq
Both had been pulled from a few newly busted packs

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I ran downstairs and saw it was the batter
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should i see such a leader
But a couple of cleats, and in them, derek Jeter!

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Swisher ... you know ... Nick!
More plentiful than wrappers their coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, ALLEN! now, GINTER! now, FINEST and BOWMAN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now bust away! bust away! bust away all!"

As wrappers that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the card shop the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of hobby cases, and Bryce Harper, Too!

And then, in a twinkling, I took a seat
The prancing and pawing of each little cleat.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the pipe Justin Verlander's heater came barrelling down

He was dressed in a mullet, and large mustache
Hoping he'd pass as Randy Johnson and walking real fast
Just then, Kate Upton flung him around
JUSTIN VERLANDER! She exclaimed, and then knocked him right down

She let him bye anyway, much to my relief
He gave to me a hobby box of 2012 Leaf
It was not sealed, so it gave me concern
That Verlander was a pack searcher, and took out all the autographed gold

It was ok, because continuing the trend
he gave me a gift certificate to target
HURRAY!!! Retails and blasters as far as they eye can see!
There was simply no end

Just then, someone else laid another box on me to shout
The giver was none other than the AL ROY - Mike Trout!
He autographed a ball, by Albert Pujols and He
And their newest teammate, Josh Hamilton...e

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their job.
And filled all the stockings; with cards of Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner and even Ty Cobb!
PSA Authentenication, everything under the tree
Except Pete Rose, because everything is signed that is touched by he

They sprang to the sleigh, and flew away real quick
leaving more 80's wax than you would know what to do with
But I heard them exclaim, while ere he drove out of sight,

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