Friday, May 25, 2012

A note to myself when getting googly-eyed at blaster boxes

I was gonna do a video of myself addressing me of the future, but figured I'd chillax on the whole vid thang for a while.  Instead, here is a letter:

Dear me of the future,

You are reading this because for whatever reason, you are planning on buying boat loads of blaster and retail boxes ... heck ... even hobby boxes. 

Some of the many, many boxes I picked up this past winter.  Man, was that fun!

Possible causes are:
- it is your birthday or christmas
- there is a monster card show in town
- you have read all the hoopla on a certain product and absolutely must hop on the bandwagon (ahhh, how sweet it would be to pull a Bryce Harper superfractor ... forgettaboutit son ... ain't gonna happen!)
- Walmart or Target have discounted last years crap to 40% off

(don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it)

If this comes in your line of sight, how can you not buy this, with its 25% off sticker?!?!

Flat out, don't do it.  You never pull anything really cool.  Yeah, ok, you pulled the 2010 Bowman Chrome Strasburg purple refractor when he was hot.  Then there were the 2 Lincecum rookie autos, the Griffey letter auto...but think about all the JUNK. 

I still remember pulling this beauty at around mid-night, and waking my wife up in excitement!

Slick pull, had only one box been opened.  The background tells a different story.

You are in this hobby because it is not a leach of your finances.  You are a collection buyer ... able to make your money back on cards, and the only reason you buy cards to begin with is not to keep them, but to flip them to get more cards. 

Unopened stuff at full price (and oftentimes at discounted prices) are a money killer.  Do you hear me, me of the future?!?!? MONEY KILLER!!! 

What, you thought I only bought one?

(don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it)

You drop a few hundred clams on some boxes because you simply cannot shake the excitement / obsession of sitting down and tearing through the wrappers (which, might I add, are so much more difficult to open than they were when I was growing up.  I seriously doubt that me of the future at 9 years old could even successfully open one unassisted.)

Remember how it feels.  Recognize the signs.  Logic goes out the window once you get in these buying modes.  Pure bliss, you think.  But me of the future, I guarantee you this:  unless you get a fantastic HIT, the most enjoyment you will have is the actual time before buying them, due to the anticipation of opening. 

You see, me of the future, here is the problem.  Let's take one single box.  $20, at the cheapest, right?  Let's say you get lucky and land an autograph. 

YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! I GOT A HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Let's up the ante here ... let's say you get,!  FOUR autographed cards in one $20 box!  This surely would land you in the guiness book of world records for mostest awesomest box eva.  What happens then?!?!?!?!  Reselling will likely net you $6, and you will have a pile of base cards that you might be able to get a few bucks off of.  When the wrappers hit the ground, you will try your hardest to say it was fun, but you will realize in the pit of your stomach it was a waste of money...and what is worse ... that feeling *stays* with you ... for a long time. 

Hmmm, wonder how many autographs were in these... :)

You see, me of the future - it just isn't worth it. The only time it really is fine is when you buy a lot, and it is vastly, vastly discounted.  But even then, having cases of unopened cards is like a drunk living in a bar.  They oftentimes just won't last. 

Don't deny it - this picture is just flat out sexy.

You have a sickness, me of the future.  A disease.  The first step is to admit it.  Besides, who in their right mind would throw down $20 for the cheapest of unopened new boxes, that only come with 7 or 8 packs?!?!  Remember the glory days of the 80's and 90's, when $15 would get you over 500 cards, inside of 36 packs?!  Not only were they much easier to open, but they also came with a pepto bismo flavored razor blade - one to a pack.  Ahh, the fun. 

Not nearly as fun, but super cheap compared to the new cards.

But it gets better, me of the future.  Not only do I implore you to stick to wax to only times when you get vast discounts, I also beg of you to stick with what you know.  Buying entire collections.  Sure, it can be more money, but it is so much more fun, and in the end, you almost always get your money back, while being able to have some cool extra cards to show for it.  Not only that, but sometimes these collections have unopened packs in them for a fraction of what the stores sell them for!

I know, I know, I know!  Collections for sale are oftentimes few and far between, (or is it far and few between?  Good thing this is a personal note, because that woulda been embarrassing.)  But I implore you - BE PATIENT!  They'll come along! 

A small sampling of the 5,700+ unopened packs I bought from someone - ahh, memories!

Still feeling the itch?  Let's be honest here.  You don't want a $20 box.  You want 5-10 $20 boxes.  Hop on ebay right now.  Do it.  Think of the coolest cards you want right now.  93 SP Jeter?  Several Pujols inserts?  Josh Hamilton autographs?  Look around at what you can get for that money, visualize them in your hands, and then visualize the pile of 300 cards that came from the blaster boxes... not a one of them worth more than $5.  Which would you rather? 

Trust me, a 93 SP Jeter Rookie is *much* more photogenic.

Me of the future, you are bright, smart, hilarious and gorgeous.  Don't let anyone tell you different.  Just stay away from the wax!

Mine Faithfully,
Me of the now

1 comment:

  1. Um....these images are like card porn...makes my like blaster boxes look small...though i did hit an auto harper bowman chrome in one of those value boxes for 25% off.